garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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