I wish my penis had an off switch
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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