They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
