Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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