I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
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Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
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Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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