Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
