id be glad to
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
