That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We need to get me chipped asap
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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