I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
