You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
