I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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