first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
