fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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