Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
