remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She bit a glass in half.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
