Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
