I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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