So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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