wat bout pragnant strippers??
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
