you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
thus making me awesome and them whores
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
