I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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