I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
