Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
