A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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