She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
