It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
