You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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