Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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