its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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