I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
