I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
