Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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