May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
