are you so shy because you have an std?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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