I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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