just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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