there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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