its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
