His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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