mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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