Someone shit on the floor
I don't think brook has ever known best
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Randomize
