i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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