my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
