no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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