yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
