I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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