five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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