it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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