I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
