at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
