just come out here and I will go home with you...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
