Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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