TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
