Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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