So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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