Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
