Your face is a jimmy john
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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