Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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