Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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