some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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