I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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