i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I want to fling myself into the sun
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
