When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
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Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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