After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
