mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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