Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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