I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
