do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I miss vodka workout Fridays
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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