I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
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his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I intend to get homeless drunk
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
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Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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