I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
