he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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