no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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