Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
People in love make me want to vomit
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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